Hebrews 12:14-17
A Self-Inflicted Pain
As the title indicates, I want to discuss a self-inflicted pain to
which many people have exposed themselves. This has been done not
only by the lost, but by the saved as well. The pain is bitterness.
Notice these four verses go together. The writer of the book of
Hebrews starts by giving us a command, "to follow after peace with
all men." That means we are to seek peace with everyone, try to get
along with everyone, want to get along with everyone. The writer
goes from that command in \\#14\\ to speaking about bitterness in
\\#15\\. There is a contrast here between peace and bitterness. You
can have one or the other, but you cannot have both.
What is bitterness? Bitterness is an unresolved anger. It is anger
that has stewed. It is anger that has grown into a grudge and then
festered. It is not pretty and it is not healthy. If bitterness made
a wound on the outside of the body like it does on the inside, people
would run to the doctor in fear.
What does the writer of this book teach us about bitterness?
I. Bitterness is…
A. \\#14\\ Bitterness is us choosing a peaceless path.
1. The command was to seek to have peace with everyone, but
if we chose bitterness, we are rejecting peace and
selecting bitterness.
2. That is a life without peace.
a. Bitterness replaces peace with anger.
(1) People with bitterness are always angry. They
may not realize it, but they are.
(2) They most likely think that they "GET" angry when
they see the person who offended them or think
about them, but they are not "getting" angry.
(3) They are just pulling their anger back to the
front burner where they left it stewing.
(4) It was always there.
(5) Sooner or later, this anger will effect your
attitude, your countenance, and your health.
b. Bitterness replaces peace with unhappiness.
(1) Bitter people are never happy because there is
something unfinished, unsatisfied in their life.
(2) They NEED something bad to happen to happen to
someone else or they will never be happy.
(3) Now think about that.
(a) A bitter person wants something bad to
happen to someone else. Is that really the
kind of person we want to be?
(b) Additionally, first bitterness is typically
toward someone we care about.
i. Most would not get better over what a
stranger did to us. Bitterness first
comes when someone we care about does
something to us.
ii. After we are infected with bitterness,
it can spread to strangers; but not
usually at the first.
iii. So bitterness has caused us to want
something bad to happen to someone
we once cared about.
(c) But even worse, your happiness now depends
on something bad happening to someone else.
i. Is that really who you want to be?
ii. Do you understand that is not who God
wants you to be?
c. Bitterness replaces peace with hate. Name it whatever
you want. If you want something bad to happen to
someone else, that is hate.
d. Bitterness replaces peace with hurt.
(1) It hurts, but it will scab over.
(a) All hurt will scab over.
(b) What does that mean? It means there is a
spot in your heart that will always be
tender if it is hit just right, but it does
not have to send you to floor in tears.
(c) You may be thinking, "Preacher, you don’t
know what you are talking about. You don’t
understand."
i. Everyone has been hurt, but everyone
doesn’t become bitter.
ii. You are thinking, "They have never
been hurt as badly as I have."
iii. No, (and I say this in love) they have
just chosen not to behave as badly as
you are.
iv. You keep picking at the wound so that
it can’t scab over.
v. You’ve seen children and animals pick
at their scab so that it can’t heal.
I’ve seen grown men and women do it.
(2) I say this in kindness. Please, quit reliving
the hurt. Quit retelling it every chance you
get. Quit thinking about it. Quit wishing for
evil to happen to your adversary.
(3) Let the hurt go. Let the wound scab over. Follow
after peace.
e. Bitterness replaces God with the devil.
(1) Please understand that I am trying to be nice,
but we must face facts as they are and not as
we would like for them to be.
(2) Peace is a gift from God. Bitterness is an
affliction of the devil.
B. \\#15\\ Bitterness is us failing to accept God’s grace.
1. Remember that grace is God working in and through us to
accomplish His will.
2. For the Christian, grace is always there, attempting to
accomplish what God wants in every situation.
3. A Christian cannot be hurt and grace not show up.
a. That is the same thing as saying you got hurt and God
did not show up.
b. Friend, God never left you. He’s always with us.
4. If we chose to be bitter, we are also choosing to reject
God’s grace.
5. God is always present to help us to forgive, to heal, to
learn, and help us to continue with dignity.
a. Don’t send God and His grace away and then pretend you
are someone’s victim.
b. Christians are never a victim. They are always a
victor.
Romans 8:35 Who shall separate us from the love
of Christ? shall tribulation, or distress, or
persecution, or famine, or nakedness, or peril,
or sword?
36 As it is written, For thy sake we are killed
all the day long; we are accounted as sheep for
the slaughter.
37 Nay, in all these things we are more than
conquerors
1John 5:4 For whatsoever is born of God
overcometh the world: and this is the victory
that overcometh the world, even our faith.
5 Who is he that overcometh the world, but he
that believeth that Jesus is the Son of God?
John 16:33 These things I have spoken unto you,
that in me ye might have peace. In the world ye
shall have tribulation: but be of good cheer; I
have overcome the world.
6. Don’t send grace away!
C. \\#15\\ Bitterness is us defiling ourselves.
1. To defile means to contaminate.
2. I will admit that I do not know much about contamination,
but from what I understand it happens when something that
does not belong gets into something else and ruins it.
a. The thing that is ruining some people is bitterness.
b. It does not belong in anyone.
c. It defiles everyone.
D. \\#16\\ Bitterness is us behaving like Esau.
1. Bitterness filled Esau with hatred and murder for his
brother.
2. There was no doubt that Jacob had wronged Esau, but what
Jacob did to Esau was not as bad as what Esau did to
Esau.
a. Bitterness is never about what another person did to
you.
b. Bitterness is always about what you are doing to
yourself.
c. Bitter people like to argue that they were wronged
and have the right to be bitter.
(1) Yes and no.
(2) Yes, you may have been wronged.
(3) But no, you do not have the right to hurt
yourself.
d. Esau was the victim UNTIL bitterness drove him to
to become his own perpetrator!
3. When that happened, Esau became a profane person.
a. Esau’s bitterness heathenized him, made wicked.
b. We must remember that Esau was raised by godly
parents!
4. Listen to what Peter said to Simon the sorcerer.
Acts 8:23 For I perceive that thou art in the
gall of bitterness, and in the bond of iniquity.
a. We do not know anything more of this man’s life than
what the Bible reveals, but Peter—lead by the Holy
Ghost—understood that this man’s wrong thinking and
behavior was a result of bitterness in his life.
b. Peter called it the gall or the bile of bitterness.
c. Peter was saying bitterness had worked its way into
this man’s inner most being and corrupted him.
d. Whatever was done to Simon earlier in his life, no one
else put that kind of bile in his inner most being
but him.
Proverbs 5:22 His own iniquities shall take the
wicked himself, and he shall be holden with the
cords of his sins.
e. He defiled himself!
5. That is what Esau ALMOST DID.
a. Had Jacob not fled, Esau might well have killed or at
least attempted to kill Jacob.
b. Esau was being swept away by the devil and his
emotions.
c. Yet something happened to Esau during Jacob’s twenty
year absence that caused him to forgive, embrace, and
love his brother when he returned.
d. The Bible does not focus on Esau but it would appear
that while God was working on Jacob in Padan-Aram, He
was also working on Esau in Canaan.
II. Bitterness must be released.
A. As with so many truths, I know that is easier to say that it
is to do, especially if you have been stewing over something
for a long while.
B. Let me give you some Bible verses and some counsels:
1. Bible verses:
Romans 6:17 But God be thanked, that ye were the
servants of sin, but ye have obeyed from the
heart that form of doctrine which was delivered
you.
a. The secret is always to obey God.
b. To obey God sets you free.
c. When it comes to dealing with past hurt, God command
us to forgive.
Col 3:13 Forbearing one another, and forgiving
one another, if any man have a quarrel against
any: even as Christ forgave you, so also do ye.
Mark 11:25 And when ye stand praying, forgive,
if ye have ought against any: that your Father
also which is in heaven may forgive you your
trespasses.
2. Some counsels:
a. Quit reliving your hurt in your heart.
b. Quit retelling it. In fact, make a pledge to yourself
that you will never mention it again.
c. Quit wishing for punishment to your offender. Instead
pray for them.
Matthew 5:44 But I say unto you, Love your
enemies, bless them that curse you, do good to
them that hate you, and pray for them which
despitefully use you, and persecute you;
This is what you do not just for the sake of the person who hurt you,
but for your own sake. You have hurt yourself long enough. Let it
go and move on with your life.
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