2Samuel 13:30-33
Some Friends You Don’t Want
We have been studying the life of David for several months now. In particular,
we are looking at the four sorrows or returns that David got on his investment
of sin. But I want to detour from that thought to see another this evening.
I want us to look at some friends and even family members who could have helped
David and his sons but did not.
Most people would say that a good friend is someone who will stand with you even
when you have done wrong. That is true. Everyone needs a friend who will love
them no matter what they have done; however, there is a better definition of a
friend. A friend is someone who would stop you from doing wrong.
There is something within our human nature that seeks out friends of a like mind.
For those who desire to do right, that characteristic is a good reinforcement.
Unfortunately, when we want to do wrong, we seek out the kind of friendships that
will reinforce our wrong desire.
When a godly person determines they are going to do wrong, they will do two
things:
1. Those who want to do wrong will shut down their emotions.
a. I have already mentioned this, but it is important.
b. Those who are determined to do wrong will become cold and hard toward
whoever they seek to wrong or toward anyone they know might persuade
them otherwise.
c. And if they are a Christian, they will become cold and hard toward God
and the things of God.
(1) That is why Christians most often get out of church. They don’t
want any work of the Holy Spirit or word from a friend to convict
them.
(2) Most often, when one mate has left or divorced another, the
remaining mate can look back to a time period, sometimes even
to specific week or day, and pinpoint when the decision was made
because of an increased hard coldness that swept over their
relationship.
d. Do not let a cold, hard heart enter into you.
(1) Even if you are angry or hurt, do not shut down your feelings.
(2) Rather, seek help. If you have tried but feel there is no other
solution to your relationship, look outside of the relationship
then look outside of the box, but don’t shut down your heart.
(3) Once you do, even if you don’t intend for it to happen, you are
much more likely to lose that relationship and permanently
damage yourself, others, and even your relationship with God.
2. Those who want to do wrong tend to seek counsel that will encourage them.
a. It is uncanny how rebellion attracts rebellion.
(1) Many youth workers have testified how one rebellious teenager is
able to hone in on another rebellious teenager, even in large
crowds, in a very short period of time.
(2) However, it works that way for adults too.
(3) The strange thing is that you go for years and have dozens of good
companions, but when you decide to do wrong, it won’t take a week
for you to find and bond with someone who will encourage you to
do wrong.
b. Not only does rebellion attract rebellion, but it brings out the
rebellion of otherwise good friend.
(1) We all have a rebellious streak.
(2) Most of us have to work to subdue it.
(3) It is all to easy to bring out the worst in someone else or,
worse, to unwittingly become the someone else who encourages
rebellion in a friend.
We have seen several examples of bad friends in the life of David and the lives
of his family. Until now, we have said little about them. Tonight, let’s high-
light them.
Tonight, let’s find out what kind of friends you don’t want.
I. \\#2Sam 11:14-17\\ A friend who asks you to do wrong.
A. Sadly, in David’s life, he isn’t being asked to do wrong, he is the one
asking.
B. You might think this is something you will never have to deal with, but
most will.
1. A friend may not ask you to kill someone else, but there are a lot
of wrong things that they will ask you to do.
a. A friend might ask you to let them copy your homework.
b. A friend might ask you to clock them in or out when you know
they aren’t going to be there.
c. A friend might ask you to lie for them.
d. A friend might ask you to be the lookout while he/she does
something that is wrong.
e. A friend might ask you to have sex with them.
f. A friend might ask you to do drugs.
g. A friend might ask you to help them get even with someone else.
h. A friend might ask you to keep a wrong action a secret.
2. The truth is that there are dozens of things people we think are
our friends might ask us to do that are wrong.
3. I imagine that everyone of us has been asked by a friend to do
wrong at one time or another.
4. You never get too old to have a friend ask you to do a bad thing
C. Sometimes the situation may be like the relationship between Joab and
David.
1. I believe that David and Joab were friends.
a. They were actually family (Joab was David’s nephew.)
b. But I imagine that for Joab to fulfill his role as David’s
chief army officer, the two had a lot in common and were
close.
2. However, David also had authority over Joab.
a. David was Joab’s king.
b. No doubt that put Joab in a difficult position when it came to
doing what David said.
c. Now, I am not trying to make Joab out to be a saint.
(1) While Joab killed Uriah at David’s command, we see enough
of Uriah to know that if he had wanted to do something
else, he would have done it.
(2) Joab was the one that killed Abner while David was making
a peace treaty with him.
(3) And Joab will kill Amasa, one that David appoints to
replace Joab.
(4) Yet, as difficult as it is turn down a friend who asks you
to do wrong, it is even more difficult to turn down a
friend who has authority over you.
D. If you are in a situation like this or remember being in one, you are
probably thinking, "Oh, good. Now the preacher can give me some great
words of wisdom."
1. The great words of wisdom are, "Just tell them no."
a. There is no short cut to doing right, not even for a Christian.
b. Right is just something you do.
2. Have you ever noticed that God does not do right for you?
a. God will give you direction.
b. God will give you courage and strength, especially after you
have determined to do right.
c. God will give you conviction if you do wrong.
3. But God leaves you to do what is right.
4. Why? Because it is your life and your choice.
5. I remember when Ronald Reagan was president and his wife, Nancy,
as most first ladies do, wanted to do something to help the
country. She started the campaign to tell kids to, "Just say
"No,’" when asked to use drugs. Many laughed at the notion as
being too simplistic. I thought it was perfect. It was
Scriptural, sensible, practical, and to this day is the only
solution for keeping our kids clean and drug free.
E. "Alright, Preacher, then give me something that will make it easier."
1. The best I can tell you is that, "If a friend asks you do wrong,
they are no friend at all."
2. You say, "That sounds like something my mother would say!"
3. Maybe your mother was a lot more spiritual than you gave her
credit for being.
4. Where did our parents of yester-year get the notion that bad
people make for bad friends? They got it out of the Bible!
F. Bob Jones, a preacher of the 19th century, used to say, "Do right.
Do right—even if the stars from the sky, do right!" You can’t get
much more spiritual than that.
G. A friend that asks you to do wrong is a friend you can do without.
II. \\#2Sam 13:1-5\\ A friend who deliberately gives you bad advice.
A. Jonadab was also a cousin to Amnon. (The best family are those who
are friends.)
B. We remember that Amnon had a torch for his half sister.
1. At this point, Amnon is sulking because he knows that he cannot
have her.
2. Then along comes Jonadab.
a. I imagine that it was Jonadab’s desire to help his cousin and
friend.
b. But it was Jonadab’s bad advice that put into Amnon’s heart
the thought of TAKING what he wanted.
c. If you consider what Jonadab suggested, you have to ask
yourself, "Just where did Amnon think this was going to go?"
(1) Was Jonadab actually suggesting to Amnon that he get his
sister alone and force her?
(2) If not, how was this suggestion going to help Amnon? How
was getting her alone suppose to ease his heartache?
C. Get this picture.
1. The Bible doesn’t say it, but Amnon was sulking BECAUSE he knew
he couldn’t have his sister.
2. It is Jonadab’s words that set Amnon to thinking about forcing her!
3. None of what follows would have happened if it had not been for
Jonadab!
4. To be honest, I can understand David’s reluctance to execute his
own son, but if Jonadab was actully suggesting that Amnon do this
to Tamar, he should have died!
D. Many a time it has been a friend’s bad advice that has lead to the
worst wrongs ever committed.
1. Sometimes it is because they are the wrong kind of friends.
a. There are some who are selfish, self-centered, malicious,
vengeful, and even mean, hateful, and evil.
b. The only advice they are capable of going is foolish, hurtful
advice.
c. This is the kind of person that you do not want as a friend.
(1) The Bible warns us against that kind of advice.
Proverbs 10:11 The mouth of a righteous man is a well of life: but violence
covereth the mouth of the wicked.
Proverbs 10:13 In the lips of him that hath understanding wisdom is found: but a
rod is for the back of him that is void of understanding.
Proverbs 10:32 The lips of the righteous know what is acceptable: but the mouth
of the wicked speaketh frowardness.
Proverbs 12:5 The thoughts of the righteous are right: but the counsels of the
wicked are deceit.
(2) And the Bible warns us against having that kind of
friend.
Proverbs 13:20 He that walketh with wise men shall be wise: but a companion of
fools shall be destroyed.
Proverbs 14:7 Go from the presence of a foolish man, when thou perceivest not
in him the lips of knowledge.
Proverbs 22:24 Make no friendship with an angry man; and with a furious man thou
shalt not go:
25 Lest thou learn his ways, and get a snare to thy soul.
2. But sometimes a friend who is a good person gives you bad advice.
a. I’m not sure that applies to Jonadab, but it did to Peter.
(1) Peter was not a bad person.
(2) Do you remember when Jesus was telling His disciples
that he was going to go to Jerusalem, be betrayed,
arrested, beaten, and crucified?
(3) Peter rebuked Him. "No, Lord, that will never happen!"
(4) On another occasion, he said, "We will die with you."
What he was implying was, "Before we let that happen,
they’d have to kill us all."
(5) And in the upper room, at the Last Supper, Peter even
had a couple of swords to back us his promise.
b. What did Jesus say to Peter?
(1) "Get thee behind me, SATAN."
(2) Peter was not a bad man.
(a) He was under a bad influence, and he was giving
bad advice.
(b) But he wasn’t a bad person.
c. Sometimes good people just give bad advice.
(1) Of course we don’t throw away good people who give bad
advice.
(2) Rather, we try to have wise safeties build into the
advice we receive. That is when we need…
(a) Bible wisdom,
(b) a multitude of good, godly counselors—not just one,
(c) and a closeness to the Holy Ghost.
III. \\#2Sam 13:28-33\\ A friend who keeps the wrong kind of secret.
A. Now we are looking at David as he learns what Absalom has done to
Amnon.
1. Remember, Absalom held a great feast, invited everyone, but then
killed Amnon.
2. Word gets back to King David that Absalom has killed ALL of his
brothers.
3. David’s heart sinks beyond comprehension.
B. \\#32\\ Then Jonadab steps up.
1. Yes, this is the same cousin who gave Amnon his bad counsel.
2. Now we find out that not only was he Amnon’s good buddy, but he
was also Absalom’s good buddy.
a. The Bible tells us that Absalom did not talk to Amnon about
what he had done to his sister, because he had a plan to deal
with it himself.
2Sam 13:22 And Absalom spake unto his brother Amnon neither good nor bad: for
Absalom hated Amnon, because he had forced his sister Tamar.
b. However, Absalom must have talked to Jonadab, for Jonadab
knew that Absalom would not have slain all of his brothers,
only Amnon.
c. That makes me wonder if Jonadab knew more of Absalom’s plan.
How about you? (He probably didn’t, but it still makes
me wonder!)
3. Here is the thing. Even if Jonadab didn’t know WHAT Absalom was
going to do, he knew that he was going to so SOMETHING.
a. He also knew whatever Absalom would do, it would be bad.
b. Yet, he did not tell anyone.
4. By not attempting to stop what he knew Absalom was going to do,
Jonadab was helping Absalom carry out his plan.
C. As Christians and as friends, we can not sit back and let our friends
do wrong. We must try to stop them.
D. How do we stop them?
1. Certainly, if we are made privy to someone else’s harmful
intentions, we should make the matter an issue of prayer.
2. But we must be willing to put some feet to our prayers.
(a) Our first step is to reprove them.
Ephesians 5:11 And have no fellowship with the unfruitful works of darkness,
but rather reprove them.
(b) At the very least, we must cease to walk with them and we
should tell them why.
Psalms 26:4 I have not sat with vain persons, neither will I go in with
dissemblers.
5 I have hated the congregation of evil doers; and will not sit with the wicked.
Jeremiah 15:17 I sat not in the assembly of the mockers, nor rejoiced; I sat
alone because of thy hand: for thou hast filled me with indignation.
2 Thessalonians 3:6 Now we command you, brethren, in the name of our Lord
Jesus Christ, that ye withdraw yourselves from every brother that walketh
disorderly, and not after the tradition which he received of us.
(c) A more direct step might be that we do what is necessary to
actually stop them. That is a more difficult step to take,
but if the matter is serious enough, or if God leads, that
maybe the action that is required.
D. Sadly, good people sometimes talk themselves into doing nothing.
1. They don’t want to cause anyone any trouble.
2. They don’t want to be a tattletale.
3. In short, they don’t want to have to get involved.
4. However, we need to be reminded that the only thing necessary for
evil to prevail is that good people do nothing.
F. How does this truth apply to us?
1. If you are angry with someone who told on you, go back and thank
them. They were proving themselves to be the best kind of friend
you could have had.
2. If you know of someone who is contemplating wrong, do what you can
to stop them.
Now, there is one more dimension to this message. Not only do we not want to HAVE
the wrong kind of friends; but even more, we don’t want to BE the wrong kind of
friend. Let us strive to select our friends very carefully and to be careful
that we are only a good friend to those we care about, even when they don’t want
us to be.
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